


Honey? I shrunk the Avengers

by bluebell3



Series: Honey? [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Darcy Lewis, Darcy and Tony Friendship, Loki plays babysitter, Multi, Tony Stark April Fools gone wrong, reversion to childhood, tasertricks - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-17 11:37:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13658202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebell3/pseuds/bluebell3
Summary: Basically Tony tries to prank his teammates when there's nothing interesting going on and it backfires. horribly. Instead of everyone reverting back to their native language they kind of revert back to childhood. As in, all the Avengers are toddlers.Tony does not know how to deal with toddlers and Pepper has to go to D.C. so Tony calls up his backup Pepper, Darcy. How Loki ends up getting involved we may never know. Jk, Baby Thor. And Jane asks for a favor.This might be a one shot? Maybe a few chapters but definitely no more than five. It's an idea that made me laugh and I wanted to write BAMF Darcy. Teen rating is for swearing mostly.





	1. Chapter 1

"What do you mean they're children?" Pepper huffed into the microphone, Tony could hear the shuffling of paper as she looked for her D.C. agenda.

"I mean that they're children and I don't know how to handle anyone under the age of ten on a good day, so could you please come help me?" Tony peeked out of the closet door to see toddler Natasha smacking Barnes for taking a crayon away from Banner, hopefully, Nat could keep everyone in line until he got some much-needed backup. He was woefully outnumbered.

Pepper sighed and let out a small chuckle, "Tony, I am on the jet to D.C. I'm not having Dan turn around just so I can play mom. Call Darcy, she has lots of kid experience. Her cousins are about fifteen years her junior so I'm sure she could help handle toddlers," Pepper hesitated, the magnanimity of the situation finally settling in, "Tony, who did you do this to? You wouldn't have called unless you did something incredibly stupid."

"Pepper, I really want to tell you, but at the same time I honestly would rather get a physical from Coulson. I'm outnumbered seven to one so you can probably guess who this backfired on, but since I can feel the glare through the phone it's Barton, Natasha, Barnes, Cap, Bruce, Thor, and Fury. So yeah, I should probably call Darcy while Nat still has everyone in order," He could feel Pepper fighting the urge to tell their pilot to turn the private jet around and head back to New York for the sole purpose of yelling at him, "Love you Pep, have a great trip, I'll probably end up calling you again!" He quickly disconnected the line, hoping that she'd just limit herself to a painfully long text instead of a voicemail telling him how screwed up this situation was.

***

Darcy was only slightly better, her and Jane had moved into the tower shortly after the Chitauri attacked, and she stayed on the line laughing hysterically the entire elevator ride up from her and Jane's lab on the 20th floor. When the elevator doors opened she had just barely gotten her laughter under control. At least till she saw her boss and her friends all over Stark's personal lab.

Tony was sitting on the floor, Barton perched atop his shoulders and throwing paper airplanes at Natasha and Barnes whenever they came too close to Tony's lap, Bruce stood next to Tony, adjusting his oversized glasses and offering science advice in a clear but very childish voice, "Nuh-uh, that's backwards."

"Can it Banner, go color. I got this shit."

"Oooooh!" Steve popped his head up from the table where he had been coloring, sneaking crayons from Barnes' hoard when he wasn't looking, "Ohh!! That's a BAD WORD." Roger's blue eyes were the size of dinner plates, giddy that he had caught Tony swearing.

"God, kill me now, please," Tony smacked both hands over his face, dropping the notebook he had been scribbling in before noticing Darcy Lewis. She had on one of those big grandpa sweaters that made her look completely shapeless and the effect almost worked were it not for the jeggings she had on underneath. "FINALLY. Do you know how long I've been soloing this??"

Darcy rolled her eyes behind the thick frames of her glasses, fake checking her watch, "Literally fifteen minutes. Pepper texted me as you were calling so I read that on the ride up. Have you tried to see what mental age they are as well? Dr. Banner seems to be at least six-Hi Dr. Banner, should I call you Bruce since I'm gonna be basically playing babysitter?" She squatted down to his eye level as Tony peeled Clint off of his head, ignoring the sounds the archer made and set him next to Natasha who was babbling in Russian to Barnes.

Bruce looked at Darcy with mild confusion and surprise, "Uhm, uh, Bruce. That's fine." He stuttered out before hiding next to a bookshelf and a potted plant.

"Yeah, definitely about six, my youngest cousin is about the same height and vocabulary. Tony, what the fuck did you do?" Darcy tied her curly hair up in a messy bun before picking up Clint and settling him on her hip, shushing Natasha and Barnes while raising her eyebrows at Steve who was currently trying to steal a big red crayon from Barnes' metal hand.

 _How the fuck do women do this without training??_ Tony thought to himself, remembering how his old nanny had chided him softly, not disapproving his behavior but telling him he could do better with a simple raised eyebrow.

"Hey, Tony, wake up sunshine or I'll ask Thor to try and shock you. I left my taser downstairs, but I'm sure he can do the same thing," she was waving a hand in front of his face, Clint was mimicking the motion on Darcy and firmly planted his hand on her nose, attempting to grab her glasses off of her face.

"Sorry Darce, just had a brain fart, looks like they're all varied ages, Bruce is the only one that has complete sentences down, Nat refuses to speak anything but Russian so far and only babbles to Barnes and Barton, I have Thor watching some kids show, Fury is somewhere judging me I can feel it, Cap is being a sneaky little mother effer and keeps stealing pencils and crayons from everyone else." Tony's shoulders felt like boulders had been placed on them, crushing his chest so that he couldn't breathe. What if this was permanent? What if the Avengers were stuck toddlers and they had to go through life all over again just because of Tony.

"Hey, easy Tony," Darcy put Barton down, giving him a nudge towards Natasha, she turned back to mischevious genius and put both her hands on his shoulders, "Breathe man, I asked Jane to call Asgard and see if they can send someone to help, maybe Thor's mom can magic up a solution, in the meantime, lets just take down data, get everyone into one localized spot away from all the equipment that you didn't like them touching as adults, and just keep everyone occupied for a few hours. Also, hope to god that everyone is potty trained. Cause I really don't want to see anyone's business tonight. Or probably ever, cause that's just too much awkward even for me."

Tony nodded, he could do science things, he liked data and variables, and maybe, just maybe, Frigga would come through by tonight. "Alright, but you gotta teach me how to wrangle toddlers. I have zero experience, they're like weird monsters that don't know what they're doing."

Darcy gave a wicked grin and squeezed Tony's shoulders, she was oddly strong for how damned small she was, "Oh Tony, you're gonna hate child-rearing."

"Wh-That didn't make me feel better, was that supposed to help? Because it really didn't." He started to wish Pepper had turned the jet around, Darcy was much more chaotic than Pepper.

"Hey everyone, who wants to have snacks in the common area?" Darcy's voice took on that of a veteran mother, calm and decisive, with a mega-watt smile that tempted Bruce out of his hiding place, Nickolas Fury popped out of the closet, Thor jumped onto a table with Mjolnir raised high, while the other children turned to look at her like seagulls at the beach when they discover food.

"Thor Odinson GET DOWN." Darcy's forceful voice convinced the god of thunder to put his arm down and jump off of the table in as defeated a manner as possible, "Now, everyone come line up at the door, Tony is going to count and make sure we have everyone, I'm going to get the coloring stuff in a bag so that we can keep playing after snack. Sound good?"

Many tiny toddlers nodded, "Great, now go to the door and wait for Tony and me."

Tony was shocked to see his teammates listen to Darcy's instructions, they almost never took a direct instruction without some questioning, maybe Darcy should join the Avengers on days where no one listens to him or Cap.

"Tonyyyyy. Come count!!!" Steve's tiny little blond head was barely visible from behind Barnes, who glared at anyone who tried to go near Steve. Except for Natasha.

"Christsakes. Who knew you were bossier as a child." Tony rolled his eyes and started for the elevator, grabbing a notebook and pens to jot down information, "Jarvis, could you start a snack for the team? I don't know what, so maybe Darcy should handle that one. But probably low sugar, maybe fruits?"

"Yep, that works Tony, fruits and some crackers, some water in sippy cups as well, please, thank you, Jarvis," Darcy had finished collecting the coloring pages and they all stood by the doors, "You do a head count?"

"Yup, lemme check again, Nat, Barnes, Cap, Barton, Fury, Thor, and Bruce. Everyone is here," Tony gave a tight-lipped smile, this was painfully stressful, he just kept praying that Thor's mom would show up soon.

***

No one upstairs liked him apparently. Because Steve had gotten sick on his shirt, Barnes had stepped on his foot in retaliation to Steve being sick and Darcy had let him go get changed after giving the most pitying look to the man, understanding seeped out of her grandpa sweater even as she scolded the former Winter Soldier for stepping on Tony. She had surprised him in that moment by bringing out some Russian, earning her an enormous smile from Natasha. (Who had apparently taught Darcy Russian when she moved to Stark Tower with Jane.)

Literally, no one seemed to be angry at him except him and maybe Pepper, but she wasn't here to yell at him so he dealt with his own lecture in his head. The ride up to his floor was longer than he expected and he quickly threw the soiled shirt into the hamper before grabbing another t-shirt and pulling it over his head. He began to move towards the door then realized that all his friends were in miniaturized versions of their clothes and uniforms. Steve was covered in sick still even though he and Darcy had wiped him off with a towel. "Hey, Jarvis? Think we can find comfortable play clothes for the team? I'm going back down but let me know, they probably need naps eventually and there's no way Barnes would find his tactical gear comfortable."

"Of course, sir, I will alert you after I check the building."

Tony grabbed a plain tee before getting back into the elevator and heading back to the chaos. As the elevator doors opened into the common room Tony nearly tripped over the plastic baby gate they had borrowed from another agent's sister, "Hey Darce, I got Steve a shirt so that he doesn't have to stay in his own sick. I had an idea as well,"

Darcy looked up from the puzzle she was doing with Natasha and Bruce, Steve looking on from her lap with a sickly pout, "Oh great! I was just about to ask Jarvis about clothes! What was your idea?" She shushed Bruce and Natasha as she started to move towards the hallway that had another baby gate across it. Steve made some whimper noise and pouted, one hand holding a loose curl that had fallen from Darcy's bun.

"I asked Jarvis to look into clothes for the team, I mean Barnes isn't gonna be able to nap in his tac gear, and they all probably are in the nap age right?"

Darcy grinned, "Yeah, they are, that was good Tony, I knew you'd get the hang of it, maybe all you needed was a puke baptism," she giggled but tried not to move the sickly blond in her arms, "Hey, do you wanna try and scrub Steve down or do you think you can monitor the rest of the crew?"

With a snort, he waved at the common area, "I'm no parent, but I'm pretty sure that if I try to peel that one off of you he'll scream bloody murder and then Barnes and Nat will make me scream bloody murder. I'm good with the rest of them for now, thanks, Darcy."

"Alright, gimme the shirt, we'll be right back."

***

Tony was feeling a lot better about his babysitting style, it was less "eighteen-year old brother that doesn't understand kids" and more thirty-five year old uncle that doesn't want to incur the wrath of his sister". Thor was currently the one that was causing the most obvious trouble, attempting to battle with Barnes at every infraction of their rules, which meant that Tony had to deal with a literal god that could summon lightning. The only plus side was that in his current state it was less lightning strike and more static electricity which was annoying to anyone with metal on them. Barnes and Tony had a weird sort of commiseration relationship going on now because of it.

Tony was about three seconds away from letting Barnes go full ham on Thor when Darcy finally returned with Steve. He had gotten a bath apparently and was wearing what looked like a women's t-shirt, still clinging to Darcy who must've switched shirts since she was wearing the plain black shirt Tony had brought, her clunky grandpa sweater was tied around her waist and her hair was newly twisted back into a messy bun.

What worried Tony was the pinched expression she held on her face, she had a concerned furrow etched between her brows, her lips were pale as they squeezed together.

"Darcy, what's wrong?" his heart started to stutter step which caused his reactor to hum, echoing his body's natural stress reactions.

Darcy didn't respond at first, simply putting Steve on the couch, propped up on pillows, Nat toddled over to bring her a juice box, " _Spasibo_ , Natalia," as quickly as the little redhead came, she left, allowing Darcy to tuck her sweater around the sleeping hero. When she seemed satisfied she pulled Tony over to a quiet corner of the room. "Tony, how much do you know of Steve as a child? Or Steve as a young adult even?"

"He was really sickly as a child, I remember dad and history books saying as such, but why does that matter? It just turned them into toddlers, it can't have reversed the serum?" Tony could hear his voice sharpen with panic, getting tinny and rushed.

"Tony, I'm not saying it totally reversed the serum, you watched him arm wrestle with Thor and James, and we both know that they're still just as strong as they were just scaled down, I'm thinking that something with his immune system went whacky with the prank, he's not coughing up blood but he's definitely dealing with asthma attacks. I'm gonna call Jane again, it's been over three hours and they're probably gonna start getting tired soon, why don't you have them go to the bathroom, Steve's the youngest mentally and he can sit on the toilet just fine."

Tony felt his head nod but knew he was miles away, what if he had actually just un-did Captain America? God, Pepper would kill him. Tony hadn't felt this level of self-hatred since when he first came back home. The Stark Industry Weapons that had been sold to terrorists, he had hated himself and everything his name stood for.

"Tony, snap outta it, you didn't do this! This was supposed to be a prank yeah? What was it supposed to do?" Darcy's bright blue eyes brought him out of the fugue, "Tony, C'mon, you know outta everyone in this damned tower I'll appreciate it."

He scoffed, "I wanted to make them all revert back to their native language, so really it was just for Nat, Barton, and Thor really, just to kinda throw a wrench into shit. Y'know, communication errors."

Darcy chuckled, "That would've been a good one, I approve, y'know Steve used to speak Gaelic when he was really little, his mum wanted him to stay with his heritage, Irish pride and all,"

They shared a small laugh, Darcy lightly punched him in the shoulder, "Let's go, you're on potty duty and I have a phone call to make."

***

"Jane, I need good news, Tony is losing it with guilt and Steve is getting sick, please, by your boyfriend's spectacular ass, tell me that Frigga can come help us."

Darcy could hear Jane chewing on her bottom lip. Darcy swore under her breath, "Dammit Janie, why can't she come?"

"She can't leave Asgard without Odin, he protects her from other magics and others that would manipulate and torture her, and, he can't come either, there's some political bullshit that he has to preside over, I'm sorry. Frigga cannot come, and Heimdall won't carry us there, but, there's someone else that could possibly help."

"Janie, I don't wanna know who Heimdall is sending do I."

"Well, no, but besides Frigga, there's one other that can control magic as well as her. On the plus side, they're kinda in prison so they  _have_ to listen to what Odin asks of them.."

"Janie."

"Yeah?"

"Just get Loki's ass down here now."

Darcy could feel Jane's surprise through the phone line, "Darcy, how'd you-"

"Jane, we've heard Thor tell like three hundred stories of him and Loki as children, hell, we've met the guy and he's the only one besides Frigga that knows magic inside, outside, backwards, and in like fifty thousand languages. Tell Heimdall to send Loki wherever I am in like five minutes, I'm gonna get my taser once Tony is back from monitoring a potty break."

Jane laughed at the thought of Tony Stark leading a bathroom break for the Avengers, then took on a somber tone again, "Darcy, I'm really glad you're able to help Tony, out of everyone in the tower you have the most kid experience,"

"Yeah, seven cousins will do that to a person. Janie, I gotta go, thanks for the help!"

"No problem, call again if there are any issues. Maybe call Heimdall first if Loki isn't being helpful. I asked him to keep an ear out for your call."

"Thanks again, I know that was a big favor for you to ask. See you."


	2. Loki, Prince of Asgard, Babysitter Extraordinare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm enjoying this story and how it's actually going a way that I'd like!  
> Darcy gets her taser, (which I can never spell correctly and probably spell 30 different ways in the story) Loki gets to earth, Tony gets a drink, the Todd-vengers are themselves.
> 
> Maybe like 2 ish chapters? I have no idea, but this is based off of a photo I keep finding around the internet that I'll eventually link somewhere in this mess :D thanks for reading, I love hearing comments, and if you really wanna you can come find me on tumblr where I literally just reblog cool shit from other people :) https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rosesarecheap

Darcy patted her pocket once more, quadruple checking that her taser was still there, Tony had taken the news of Loki coming to try and fix this rather well. He only laughed hysterically for about a minute before downing about two fingers worth of whiskey and laying on the other side of the couch from Steve. Natasha took it upon herself to keep James and Thor from messing with either of them, sitting between the two on the couch and fixing her death glare whenever they came too close. Clint had decided that he liked the makeshift swing as an advantage point, holding paper airplanes in his chubby fists as projectile weapons.

Fury was playing puzzle games with Bruce, they were both around the same age right now and preferred the company of another six year old instead of three and four year olds. All of the children were calm, Tony was trying to avoid drinking more, and Darcy was pacing back and forth, waiting for the bastard of Asgard to appear in the common room.

Darcy had met him before in New Mexico. Thor had sacrificed everything to save that tiny town from his brother's rage. Darcy had come to see Thor as a brother she never had, so she had more than one reason for wanting to tase Loki on sight. He had almost destroyed all of Manhattan with that damn portal thing, broke Erik Selvig, just generally hurt people she cared about. It was more than fair. So why'd she feel so bad about it?

_Cause your crazy ass thinks he's cute._

"I've yet to see much evidence of insanity but far be it from me to tell you how to categorize yourself, Ms. Lewis," Darcy knew that voice, British and domineering, she turned on her heel and without hesitation, jammed the taser into Loki's side.

The Asgardian fell, Thor and James laying on top of their new babysitter, Tony blearily lifted his head and torso from the couch at the sound of a large body thudding. He tried to hide his pride at her reaction to Loki with feigned surprise and concern.

"Well shit Darcy, now I think you might just taze me one of these days," 

"Don't tempt me Tony, you're still on my list," Darcy playfully tapped the button on the side of her taser, the electricity sparking between filaments.

Jarvis played a small doorbell noise, "Sir, Ms. Lewis, if I may interrupt, Oh, Good Evening, Loki, Prince of Asgard."

Darcy grinned and turned towards the ceiling, a habit she would probably never get rid of no matter how many times people told her it was unnecessary, "Hey Jarvis, go ahead, Loki is on the floor after I tased him so I don't know if he heard you."

Loki groaned from the floor, "I heard the damned machine, I am not Asgardian by birth, thank you very much, and would appreciate not being called such."

"Ah, my apologies Loki, I was unsure of which heritage you would prefer me speak, as Thor demands you be placed as his equal in conversation. Anyway, Ms. Lewis, Sir, I have procured clothing for the children that I hope will be much more comfortable for them in the long run."

"Oh! Thank you, Jarvis, I had forgotten Tony talked to you about that, can you send them to us?" Darcy smiled at the ceiling, one of her brilliant smiles that tended to leave men stuttering around her.

"Indeed, miss, right away."

Darcy smiled again and walked over to the dummy elevator that was just an extension of Jarvis' programming, waiting for the soft beep that meant whatever was inside was complete, Thor was currently wrapped around his brother saying "LOKI!" over and over in different intonations while James just tried to shove markers into his shoes, "Boys."

The two troublesome heroes looked up at Darcy with two devious smiles, James drawled in a Brooklyn accent, "What, just messin' wit da guy."

"Boys, he's here to help us, what I did was wrong, but it was deserved," Darcy leveled a glare at the god of mischief, trying to say,  _I don't trust you, but I have to believe that you can help._  

James and Thor looked at each other for a moment, then nodded and got off of Loki's back. The Asgardian prince stood slowly, straightening his suit coat and trousers. His emerald eyes glittered as he met Darcy's gaze, "Much obliged, Ms. Lewis."

Darcy sighed, "Please, at least call me Darcy, I can't get Jarvis to call me that, don't need two of you calling me Ms. Lewis. Besides, I tend to have my coworkers use my first name."

Loki raised an eyebrow as she turned to the little elevator to remove seven pairs of play clothes, "I'm sorry, did you say coworkers?"

"Mhm," Darcy sat on the floor and started sorting through the pile, Jarvis had been creative and made little insignias for each of the Avengers. Purple t-shirt with a bow and arrow logo and black pants for Clint, a black t-shirt with a red hourglass logo and black pants for Natasha, red t-shirt with a white star and black pants for James, light blue t-shirt and soft khaki-colored pj pants for Steve, a purple shirt and grey sweatpants for Bruce, a silver t-shirt that had a hammer logo stamped onto the front with dark blue pants for Thor, and of course, an all-black ensemble for Nick Fury. Jarvis also had plain black undergarments and socks for all of them as well.

"Well done Jarvis," Darcy grinned up at the ceiling.

"Thank you, miss."

"Right, anyway, Darcy, back to one of the strange things you were saying, coworker?" Loki followed her as she nudged Tony,

"Hey, I'm gonna start changing the kiddos, you make sure Bruce and Fury don't need help with any of their stuff okay? I got the other five," Darcy ignored Loki's question, after all, she had no idea why she mentioned coworkers instead of fellow babysitter but hell, he was obsessing over it.

"Natasha, Clint, James, Thor, please go wait by the hallway gate while I wake up Steve okay? It's time to get comfy clothes on," she smiled at them as they nodded and started towards the baby gate. Tony took the two piles of clothes from her and walked towards Bruce and Nick, tipping his head in a sideways nod as he walked towards the gate blocking the hallway.

Darcy knelt in front of the couch and gently brushed the hair back from Steve's forehead, he didn't have a fever but he shuddered at her touch, "Hey, Steve, sweetie, time to get into pj's okay? Can you wake up for me?"

Steve pouted, not even half awake and whined "No momma, wanna sleep. I don feel good."

Darcy hadn't expected any of them to call her mom by mistake, especially not Steve, he'd been an orphan long before he was Captain America. She blinked quickly, tilting her head back to stop the tears but continuing to softly brush back the blond strands, "Hey, c'mon Stevie, it's me, Darcy, let's get you into pj's alright? I'm gonna pick you up alright?"

Steve hummed and sleepily lifted his hands, Darcy passed the clothes off to Loki with a quick, "Can you carry this for me? Thanks,"

He flustered and started to give her flack but quickly shut his mouth when she pinned him with a look, "My, you could give Heimdall a lesson on glares."

Darcy said nothing, just knelt back down and picked up the sleepy three year old who immediately wrapped his arms around her neck and cuddled close to her, she just gave a little soothing scratch across his shoulder blades and set towards the gate. Tony had stayed on the other side while keeping an ear out for any "motherfuckers" that Fury would let loose if one of his straps got tangled.

"Here we go, one royal entrance for the court," Tony chuckled as he opened the gate for Darcy and the other Avengers, she rolled her eyes at him while Loki had a moment of strange hesitation as if Tony had given him an idea he didn't know what to do with.

"Oh piss off Tony, you're not as funny as you think," Darcy stuck out an elbow to catch him in the side on her way past.

"Lewis, I'm hurt, you deeply wound me, you don't find my humor to be the light in these dark times?" Tony pressed his free hand to his chest and feigned tears, "No, no, you're right, perhaps I've lost my touch."

Loki rolled his eyes now, a disinterested expression coloring his face, "Yes, very horrific, now can we please dress these miscreants so that I might properly examine them."

"Sure thing buddy, let's go. You wanna wrangle Thor? I've gotten shocked at least thirty times already," Darcy grinned as Loki groaned, it might not be too bad having to work with Loki on this case. Might actually be kinda fun.

***

Loki was in hell. However, it was quite amusing to see his older brother reverted to such a childish state, his command of lightning reduced to mere static electricity, dependant on others to provide for him. It was almost worth having to deal with Tony Stark and the curvaceous brunette who seemed to delight in tasing people. Loki massaged at his side where Darcy had stuck him with the taser she affectionately referred to as "Sparky". Midgard certainly held many interesting women. He began to understand Thor's obsession with these mortals. Delightfully transgressive and more often than not, ready to abandon their lives to aid another. He looked over at the woman that had indirectly asked for his help, sitting on the locker room floor with a sickly blond child in her lap while carefully trying to unbuckle the straps of the metal-armed child's uniform. He hummed in thought, perhaps, some people were even ready to abandon their lives to aid several someones.

"Something to share with the class Loki?" Darcy was looking over the frames of her glasses, flyaway curls falling out of her bun as she handed new underwear to the former mercenary and nudged him towards a stall after the last strap was undone.

"Oh no, I have nothing to share at the moment, simply puzzling through a few interesting possibilities," he raised an eyebrow and flashed his teeth in a wolvish grin as she sighed and returned to helping dress the children in front of her.

 _Yes,_  He purred to himself, _some **very**_ _interesting possibilities._


	3. SuperBug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cause I have Super Freak stuck in my head, this felt like an apt chapter title.  
> I think that a warning for people that don't like to read about people getting ill as in physically ill would be appropriate here? It's literally just going to be in the first part of this chapter and not again cause Loki starts doin his thing.  
> Also, does anyone know where Darcy is canonically from? Like what state? Cause I can't find anything and I'm just about to stick her in Upstate New York.  
> Handy Tip: Grape Juice is actually really great in helping you get over/prevent a stomach bug. My family has been doing it and my immune system is crap but I haven't been super sick yet this flu season! (watch, now that I've said that I'm gonna get the big bad flu virus.. great)

Darcy struggled with the straps of Bucky's uniform, trying to keep her more impolite curses to herself. Steve refused to let go of her while she helped the team get changed so she just sat on the locker room floor while the pale blond's fever spiked.

She shot a glance at the demi god that was supposedly going to help them. Loki had an unreadable expression plastered across his features. Darcy gently pushed Bucky towards one of the locker room stalls to change into the undergarments Jarvis had supplied, "Got something to share with the class?" she smirked.

"Oh no, I have nothing to share at the moment, simply puzzling through a few interesting possibilities," he flashed a predatory grin in response, dark eyes glittering with mischief.

Darcy just shrugged and continued to dress the Todd-Vengers as she liked to call them in her head. It only took about fifteen minutes to get everyone changed before she realized that Steve was no longer just ashy-white, but a bit green around the gills. "Oh shit, no, please don't hurl again. Loki, get the stall door open, now. Please. Unless you want to wear whatever is left in Steve's stomach!"

To his credit, Loki did stand and open the stall door, however, Steve missed the memo about getting sick in the toilet and heaved everywhere. Lucky for her, Darcy didn't have to bother with a full shower but Loki had sick all over his slick ebony suit and shiny leather shoes, "This is abhorrently disgusting."

"Oh, Loki, I'm so sorry, hold on, lemme yell for Tony, I think Steve has the flu. Or something like the flu, hold on. TONY! NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE NOW. PREFERABLY WITH A MOP." Darcy yelled out the propped open locker room door, "Gods above and below I hope he heard me."

She gently put Steve down onto the floor, finding a small trash can that would work as an impromptu sick bucket in case he hurled again. As quick as she could she washed her hands and forearms of sick, taking the time to also do a once over of Loki. He looked pretty pissed but when didn't he honestly. "Loki, all I can suggest right now is a change of clothes and a shower, just take off the suit and go further into the locker room, the showers are past the toilets. Hold on," She tilted her head up to the ceiling, "Jarvis?"

"Yes, Ms. Lewis?"

"Can you get a shower on for Loki? Steve got sick again. Please and thank you!" Darcy gave a half smile at the ceiling and held it as she looked back down at Loki, "I am really sorry about this Loki, I didn't realize that Steve was so sick, I thought he just was queasy from the transformation or something but I'm starting to think he's got the flu, god what if it's a super bug? I bet there's not a super vaccine. Guess I gotta bug Bruce about that when he's big again. But for now just take off what's covered in sick and I'll try to see if I can get you a set of clean clothes for the time being."

She knew she was rambling, she was painfully aware of the fact that she sounded like she had just re-entered civilization after a decade of solitude in the Himalayas. Loki just kept staring at her with those gemstone eyes and an increasing look of amusement/annoyance and somehow that made her mouth keep moving long after her brain stopped supplying words. "Ms. Lewis. Darcy. I believe I will follow your suggestion of a shower. You may feel free to stop talking at any moment you so desire."

Loki took his time removing his suit, taking care to not get more sick on his hands than was necessary. He could have easily cleaned his clothes with his magic but he could easily tell that transforming the Avengers back into their normal selves was going to take every scrap of magic he had.

Tony took that moment to bring a giant yellow mop bucket into the locker room. “Darcy. Why’s a demigod covered in puke and stripping in the locker room?”

”Dunno Tony, why’s Steve throwing up?” Darcy retorted with a sigh and a roll of her eyes, “Looks like Steve is going to need a rinse off again. Tony, pick one, Steve in the buff or mopping up the floor?”

”This is actual hell. And I’m having to choose my punishment for all eternity. I’ll mop the floor. I really don’t need to see Cap’s Johnson,” he shuddered in dramatized horror.

Darcy was squatting on the floor next to Steve trying to get Bucky’s metal arm into his t-shirt and looked up to make a sarcastic remark. Instead she got an eyeful of Loki wearing nothing but a pair of tight black boxer briefs. “Loki!!”

”Yes, that is my name. I do hope you continue to use it,” he gave a lavicous wink, smirking as he walked back towards the showers.

Tony gave a low whistle, “Damn, he’s got something in mind for you Darce.”

”Oh shut up Tony. Just mop, I’m gonna call Sam and see if he can just help keep eyes on everyone. Well. After I get Steve changed,” she sighed and sat back on her heels, “This is a lot more challenging than my cousins. I don’t know how much more energy I have in me.”

”Ms. Lewis. You might be pleased to hear that a Mr. Samuel Wilson is in the living area wishing to know ‘What in the name of all that is holy has happened? And why am I not surprised Tony did this.’ Shall I send him to the locker room Miss?”

”Jarvis you BEAUTIFUL piece of technology!! If you had a body I’d kiss ya. Please send Sam in, We really need some more hands,” Darcy emphasized her appreciation by blowing a kiss at the ceiling.

”Hm. A body for Jarvis. That’s an idea.”

”Tony, let’s fix one thing before starting another yeah?”

”Oh fine, but once this is done I’m running some tests, that could be handy.”

”What. The. Hell. Stark, you’ve done lost it, this is your crowning achievement of stupid.” Sam walked into the locker room with Nick Fury and Bruce holding his hands.

”He’s a motherfucking Stark. It’s his default,”

”Nicholas!” Darcy admonished, “Language around the kids. Not that they’re actually kids but still! No more saying motherfucker, or any variation of that word. It’s freaking me out hearing you say it as a six year old.”

The Director didn’t say anything in response, just rolled his eye in silence.

”Sam, can you watch them while I find clothes for Loki?”

”Loki. Of Asgard. The psycho that tried to blow up Manhattan? Thor’s brother? That Loki?”

”Yeah, he’s the only magic user we know that can easily undo this, and since it involves Thor, Jane asked a favor of Odin and he sent Loki. We were hoping for their mother, Frigga, but she can’t leave without an escort and Odin can’t leave, so yeah. Loki. Now, Tony has mop duty, I’m gonna get Steve changed and cleaned off, so you want to just watch kids and I’ll get clothes?”

Darcy stood, both hands on her hips and a challenge in her eyes. 

“You’re crazy. Absolutely insane. But I know Steve trusts you and everyone that’s here trusts you so if this is the option we have I’m with you. But so help me if that nut tries to hurt anyone he better hope he knows how to fly,” Sam tipped his head back at Thor, Bucky, Clint, and Natasha. “C’mon, time to play hide and seek!”

”That dude is seriously amazing. He’s the only adjusted one out of all of you I swear,” Darcy cuffed Tony’s shoulder, “Let’s get to work!”


	4. Not Bad for a Tuesday?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW/CW: allusion to sexual assault in this chapter!!!! also mild gore?
> 
> This is probably the second to last chapter!! Maybe I'll make a series? I don't know, but it'd be fun, and I'm enjoying myself so that what matters lol.  
> Sorry for the late post, I had a little bit of a personal crisis but that has since improved slightly and I'm hopefully going to be able to have more time to write :)  
> This chapter is also a bit longer? I think? But there's some allusion to sexual assault so I put a trigger warning/content warning because it's just right to do so, and Loki does some murder shit.  
> Let me know in the comments or on tumblr if theres anything you liked/didn't like in this, I like reading your comments <3

Steve was a lot easier to wash this time around, resolutely raising his arms so that Darcy could remove his (technically her) sick-covered shirt in order to let him wander under the spray of the shower while she attempted to lamely run a soapy washcloth over him. Once he was rinsed off she grabbed one of the towels off of the rack and nudged the handle of the shower off with her foot. The towel engulfed Steve as she gave him a thorough drying, his blonde hair sticking up in odd angles, "C'mon Rogers, let's get you into clean clothes, bet you'll feel better once we get you settled back on the couch."

Steve just nodded, taking the black underwear that Darcy held out and waiting til she turned around to start changing into them, "Thanks, Darcy, you're good."

"Well, I gotta be if I wanna work with the Avengers, yeah? Can't have bad apples corrupting America's finest. Well, America, Russia, and I guess a few other places. Pretty sure Maria Hill is from Canada.. That kinda backfired didn't it?"

One of these days Darcy was going to be able to string together a whole sentence that didn't derail midway and didn't make her sound like a brainless idiot. She kept up with Jane and Erik for pete's sake, she was damn smart in her own right had people skills out the whazoo. Steve tugged at her hand and she turned with the rest of his clothes, helping him put on pants first, then the soft blue shirt. Darcy held off on the socks until she could get Steve settled on the couch, it'd do no good if he stepped in a puddle in the bathroom.

"Up? Please?" Steve lifted his arms with his request, a tiny smile bringing some life back into his features.

"You got it boss, c'mere!" Darcy scooped Steve up into her arms, giving him a gentle squeeze before settling him on her hip and walking out of the stall. She could hear Loki in one of the other stalls moving under the spray of the water.

"Hey, Loki?"

"Yes, Darcy?"

"I just finished up with Steve, I'm gonna get him settled on the couch before I can start the Great Suit Search, but there should be towels on the rack of the stall area if you finish up before I get back okay?" Darcy bit her bottom lip, feeling nervous for no obvious reason, but the feeling was there regardless.

"That is as I expected, go on now Darcy, I do believe that you have more than my needs to attend to, after all, you did leave one of your own alone with six of his teammates as a babysitter. Not everything goes according to plan," he chuckled darkly, "And believe me, it usually doesn't."

 "Thanks, Loki, catch you back here in a few, hopefully, I get lucky!" Darcy gave a smile that only Steve could really see, "Let's get you some ginger ale and saltines kiddo, we got work to do."

Tony was still wrestling with the mop bucket when she got to the toilet area of the locker room, "Seriously Tony? You're getting your ass handed to you by a mop. I'm almost 100% sure that Dum-E could have managed it by now."

Tony just glared sullenly, "Listen, I have hundreds of patents, I have like three degrees from various prestigious universities, I did not take a class at M.I.T on how to use a goddamn mop."

Steve piped in, "Ooooo! Tony said-"

"Dude she just said ass, literally ten seconds ago. Is it just me he's picking on??"

"Probably, little dude's earned it, after all, he is four because of your prank backfiring, so.." Darcy trailed off with a shrug, grinning as Tony's agitation increased.

"That is so unfair, here I am, playing babysitter and admitting that I need help and all you guys do is pick on me. For shame Darcy, for shame." Tony shook his head and sighed, attempting to get the mop out of the cleaner and into the wringer without getting himself soaked through.

"I gotta get this one settled and clothes for Loki, however," Darcy adjusted her grip on Steve so that she could get her right hand on the mop handle, "I can help with this real quick," she grinned again and pulled the mop up into the attached wringer, "Just push the wringer handle down and you should be able to figure out the rest pretty easily. You got this, Tony."

"Yeah, thanks, I can get it from here, I know how to use a Swiffer. Good luck finding clothes for Mr. Slim Jim in there," Tony smirked, "I doubt anyone in the tower has clothes that'd fit."

Darcy just shrugged, "I dunno, I'm pretty good at finding stuff."

***

Darcy had left Sam after giving him a speedy explanation of what had happened then booked it to the elevator to get to her floor. She knew she had a pair of sweatpants that were way too long for her that would probably fit Loki but she had no idea what to do for a shirt. He'd probably hate wearing basically pajamas but whatever, it was what she had. Darcy remembered an old ex of hers that had a similar build to the god of mischief, and her ex had left a few of his clothes at her old place and never asked for them back.

"Glad I never did set those on fire," she muttered while grabbing a chair out of the kitchen so she could reach the shelf in her closet. Connor had left a pair of dark wash jeans, two ratty t-shirts, and a plain dark grey long-sleeved shirt. Darcy grabbed the grey shirt and the jeans then hopped off of the chair, her glasses started slipping down her nose again and as she went to return the frames to their correct place she noticed a black zip-up hoodie.  _Might as well,_ she shrugged and grabbed the jacket, taking a second to neatly fold the garments before grabbing a change of clothes for herself. Some random black t-shirt and a purple sweater would do fine, she might as well put her contacts in since her glasses kept slipping down her nose. Just convenient more than anything else.

Darcy grabbed the bundle of clothes for Loki, sneaking into Jane's room to steal a pair of Thor's never-worn converse, Darcy hesitated for a second before taking a pair of black socks that Thor never seemed to wear when he was here. Dude just preferred sneakers or no shoes when he was earth-side and just hanging out.

"Alrighty! Mission accomplished!" Darcy grinned and hopped back into the elevator, "Not bad for a Tuesday!"

***

The elevator doors opened to a startlingly organized scene, Bruce and Fury were playing MarioKart while Sam had Natasha, Clint, Bucky, and Thor all playing some variant of Red Light Green Light.

"Not bad for a birdie, Sam, how'd you manage this?"

"So much bribery I don't actually remember what I promised them," Sam chuckled and turned back to face the windows, "Green Light!"

"That's never a good idea! Have fun, I'm gonna go give prince of darkness some clothes," Darcy laughed and kept walking to the gate that blocked off the hallway.

"Red Light!!"

Tony had managed to get the floor cleaned but was having trouble getting the mop bucket emptied into the supply closet's floor drain, "The wringer part should come off, I think at least."

"Hm, that definitely would work a ton better than what I've tried so far. Thanks, kid," Tony pulled off the wringer and easily emptied the bucket of dirty water.

"No problemo!" Darcy kept walking to the locker room and into the shower area, "Hey Loki, you all good?"

"Darcy? Yes, I've even managed to work out a potential solution to your problem. However, I cannot change everyone at the same time. It would take far too much of my magic to do that and has the potential to do permanent damage to me. Which, I obviously wouldn't do."

Darcy heard him turn off the shower and step into the stall area, probably toweling off now, "So how many of them could you change at a time? And how much time would you need in between?"

Loki pulled open the stall door, his long hair tousled and wavy, a white towel wrapped tightly around his hips, leaving little to the imagination, "I think I can safely change two at a time, and I would need anywhere from twelve hours to a full day to recuperate."

"Mhm. That doesn't sound too terrible, we can talk to Tony and see if he has any ideas of how to reverse his process," Darcy could feel a blush coloring her cheeks, she was a sucker for any guy whose adonis belt was that cut. Loki was all slim muscle, completely built but without half of the bulk that Thor held. Loki smirked, a slender hand reaching out to take the bundle of clothes from Darcy.

"Something else to say, Ms. Lewis? Or have you lost your voice?" Loki hummed, "That would be quite a shame, I do enjoy hearing you speak."

"Yeah I'm just gonna go make sure Tony didn't fall into the bucket or something, you uh, you go ahead and get clothes on. Please," Darcy could feel her cheeks flush darker pink, quickly turning and making her way to the door.

"Hm, very well, I will be out shortly. Thank you, Darcy, for finding clothes for me."

"Yeah no problemo, it's what I do! I mean, finding shit for people, not specifically clothes," Darcy chuckled nervously and quickly walked out of the locker room.

***

Darcy walked into the living area just in time to see a helicopter fly up to the window and start shooting at the glass, "SAM, GET EM DOWN!!!" She screamed, diving towards the couch where Steve was napping, she pulled Nick and Bruce down, getting the three boys barricaded behind all the cushions before reaching underneath the dust ruffle to grab hold of one of Bucky and Natasha's guns.

"Jarvis!"

"Suit already deployed sir."

Tony's suit whizzed through the air, metal clanking together as he began to run towards Sam and the team. Bucky had grabbed Thor with his metal arm and dragged him towards the wall the window was attached to, Natasha had just run and disappeared somewhere in the room, while Clint was somehow back up in the swing with a slingshot.

Bullets continued to crack the windows, the glass was over 4 inches thick but it wasn't bulletproof.

Sam ran to the elevators where his Falcon wings were leaning against the wall, pulling his protective goggles out of a jacket pocket and pulling on the machinery.

"Darce! Stay down! You got them?"

"Yeah!" She yelled back, "Found a gun!"

"I fucking hope you know how to use it then!" Sam shot her a worried look before making eye contact with Tony, "Stark, looks like another is coming in hot, this glass won't last forever!"

"Well no shit, that's why I'm breaking it first!"

"You're insane."

"Yep!"

Tony leveled a stabilizer at the windows, taking all three out with a blast before flying out the window with Sam right behind him. Darcy cussed and peeked out over the couch to see not one, but two more helicopters coming in. One was full of mercenaries, at least ten trained hired guns who would have no issues killing her or her friends. 

"Nat, I really hope you taught me how to shoot this thing right," Darcy muttered before adjusting her grip on the handgun, double checking her aim before taking a shot at one beefy goon's shoulder, his groan and the blood blooming across his shirt confirmed Nat had taught her well.

"Nice shot Darcy, I hate to say it but I might need you to try to hit a pilot before any of those guys can get close enough to jump," Tony's voice sounded like he was in a tin can over Jarvis' speakers.

Darcy instinctively looked up before looking back out the window, "Tony I only just shot a person for the first time today. I don't know if I can kill someone."

"I know Darce, I know. It's unfair of me to ask but these guys have EMP's in that third helo that's coming in and if they hit me or Falcon we're toast kiddo," his voice crackling out on a sigh, "Please, Darcy, I need you to try. I'm sorry."

"No, I know, I'll try Tony, you'll owe me if I succeed,"

"You got it champ, good luck."

Darcy took a shaky breath, leveling her borrowed weapon at the pilot of the closest helicopter, she double checked her aim, wrapped her finger around the trigger and just. couldn't. fire. She slumped down into the couch and touched the comm link on her watch, "Tony, I can't, I'm so sorry I can't do this, I can't kill someone. I can injure them but I really can't, I'm so sorry."

"Hey, no worries, I wasn't expecting you to go full Rambo, you're okay Darcy, we can handle this,"

"Yeah, Darcy, I can keep up with Steve, these guys are no problem," Sam chimed in, swooping under a helicopter and grabbing a merc off of the landing bar before letting him fall a couple dozen stories to the ground, "Just disable anyone that makes it to the floor okay? You got this."

"Thanks, be careful you two,"

"Ain't that sweet, she doesn't wanna kill us," a stranger's deep drawling voice boomed from overhead.

"Yeah, thank god she's a softie, else we might have to do some hard work for our money," another man's voice chuckled, an arm that was about as big as Thor's reached over the couch and grabbed Darcy's gun like it was no more of a threat than a water gun.

The two men were built like brick walls, heavy and dense with absolutely no give whatsoever. One was bald and the other had close-cropped black hair, he was the one that had taken her gun. Now he looked at her with a predatory gleam in his eyes, "Maybe we could have a little fun with our little merciful one here, give the kiddies a show or two."

The bald one laughed, sausage-like fingers tangling into Darcy's hair, pulling tightly, "That might be the best idea you've ever had, Charlie."

"Close your eyes boys, it's gonna be okay, don't worry, I'll keep you safe," Darcy wished she believed herself, the boys all closed their eyes though and she followed suit, feeling the two men grab her arms and pull her over the back of the couch. Even behind closed eyes, she could see two bright flashes of emerald green light before hearing two slick, crunching thuds, then another, much heavier thud on each side. The mens' hands were no longer touching her, she cracked one eye open and saw Loki, wearing jeans and the shirt she had given him, barefoot and with the hoodie on inside out. His lips were twisted into a feral grin, all teeth and madness.

The two brutes were dying on the ground, long daggers protruding from their chests, the handles still glowing a sickening emerald from being summoned. Loki stalked forward, not taking his eyes off of the two dying men. His hands were covered in his magic, still glowing a deep green and practically vibrating with fury, Loki gently pushed Darcy towards the couch before bending down and grabbing both daggers by the hilt.

He looked down at the hitmen, disgust and fury twisting his features just as he twisted the daggers in the men, "She may be soft, but I am Loki of Asgard, and I will not show you mercy," he declared over their screams of pain, withdrawing the daggers after the light in their eyes had gone.

"Darce!!! You got more incoming!" Tony yelled over the comms, "Fuck!"

Someone had a machine gun out now and was steadily shooting rounds at Tony, another one was preparing to shoot into Avenger's tower, Darcy grabbed Loki by the sleeve and yanked him back behind the couch. Steve was crying, Bruce had his head between his knees and Fury was coaching him through a breathing exercise. Bucky and Thor were still by the window pressed up against the wall, and Clint had moved to a bookshelf in the back of the room. Natasha was still nowhere to be seen. "Natasha!" Darcy yelled, scanning the room again, looking for a sliver of red hair or a red shirt.

"Da?" Natasha crawled out from under the couch, holding another handgun out to Darcy with an eyebrow raised.

"You sneaky son of a rifle."

Natasha grinned from ear to ear, "Spasibo, milyy."

Darcy turned towards Loki who looked a lot less murder-prone now, "Hey, Can you possibly get Thor and Bucky to normal size? They're right by the window and are probably going to be the quickest at this, maybe. Are you okay?" Darcy pressed a hand to Loki's forehead where sweat had begun to gather.

"I am fine Darcy, just, did not anticipate getting so angry today. Allow me one moment and I will have my brother and Bucky back to normal size."

"Thanks by the way. I don't really want to think about what would've happened without you here," Darcy sniffled and wiggled her face in an effort to not get emotional.

"No thanks are needed Darcy, even if I am estranged I am still a Prince of two realms. It wouldn't do to allow anyone to violate someone that I-my brother admires."

Darcy opened her mouth to make a comment on his phrasing but was interrupted by Loki's magic surrounding him before taking off and enveloping Thor and Bucky. Luckily, their clothes grew too. Thor bellowed out a wordless war cry and immediately summoned Mjolnir, whereas Bucky made a fantastic dive for the couch.

"Steve!" He bellowed, clutching at Darcy's arms

"He's fine, rifle is under the couch still, I got him you get them!" she yelled back, shaking her head as the former assassin grabbed his rifle from under the couch and grinning like a fool before setting himself up on the back of the furniture.

"Yo Darce," he called down to her, "Y'wanna have some fun?"

"Nope, you got this. But if more than two people make it in here I'll join you."

The Winter Soldier laughed, "Oh this is gonna be a fun day."

Darcy shook her head again, giving Steve a comforting head scratch and placing a hand on Banner's back, measuring his heartbeat. "Loki, are you okay?"

The god met her gaze and scoffed, "Could be better, used more than I should have."

"Uh huh, I can see that, are you normally blue?" Darcy looked a bit closer, "And do your eyes always get red after magic?"

Loki stiffened, "Darcy, whatever you do, do not touch my skin. It's my Jotunn form, the frost giants, my magic has been drained more than I anticipated. Just focus on the other children for now. I'll be fine."

"I mean, I lived in upstate New York. Like I waved to Canada from my house. But okay, I'm inclined to believe that you might be colder than that. Just, kinda odd is all," Darcy continued to rub little circles into Steve's scalp while doing the same for Bruce in a slower fashion. But she didn't stop looking at Loki.


	5. Frost Bite?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWNNNNN (I hope to god someone gets that song stuck in their head mwahhahaha)  
> Anyway! I think I've decided to add some smut in as a separate story so this will be a collection, mostly cause hell, why not 3:} let there be tasertricks smut :D but not in this chapter, we finish up where I left off then maybe write a scene ;)  
> this chapter will probably be OBSCENELY LONG. I will hopefully (read: probably won't, but I know you all wish I would lol) go back and edit chapter layout but for right now I'm just focusing on getting this bad boy written!  
> I definitely could have done more. I totally could have, but I didn't and that's okay! I can always edit this and repost a better version of it! Thank you guys for reading, I have loved getting emails of your comments and kudos and it warms my heart to hear you guys enjoying something I put together on a whim <3

"Darce, we neutralized threats, I see Thor and Bucky are big again with no real adverse effects. I take it the rest are still as they were?"

"Yeah, Tony, everyone else is still kid-sized. Loki can only do so much at a time, he used a lot more magic than he should have, he's not looking so great," Darcy bit down on her lower lip, "I think he might need legit medical care?"

"YOU SAY MY BROTHER IS INJURED?" Thor bellowed through the comms, static crackling through the connection as his anger drew lightning in around him.

"No, Pointbreak, he's probably just tired out. Steve hurled on him and he's had a very trying day," Tony's eyeroll could almost be heard as he mumbled, "Just like literally everyone else in this tower today."

"Wait! Steve got sick again??" Bucky easily lifted the now-sleeping blonde with his right arm and brought him tight to his chest as he sat on the battered couch.

"Boys, just get in here so we can actually talk this over, please?" Darcy gave Bucky a pleading look, "C'mon guys, I'm about three seconds away from a meltdown that even Sam wouldn't be able to deal with, just get inside."

Bruce turned and took her hand, then scooted next to her and copied the same soothing pattern she had been tracing into his back, "Bruce, you honestly have the biggest heart I have ever met," she tearily whispered before giving him a short hug, "Thanks, sweetie."

Thor touched down among broken glass and immediately dropped Mjolnir, running to the couch where he found Loki still slumped on the floor, "Brother!"

"Yes, that is what you call me, now you already pinned me to the ground earlier this afternoon so could we please just-"

Thor pulled Loki into a tight hug, taking care to avoid exposed flesh, he lifted the hood of Loki's hoodie in order to cup his brother's face in his hands, "My brother, you have done a mighty work indeed. I thought I could not grow more proud of you and I was wrong. You have honored both of your kingdoms by your vicious protection of Lady Darcy. She has been a friend to all in their darkest moment, and I saw how you protected her."

Loki tried to scoff, a visible huff of air escaping his lips as he was praised by Thor, it seemed that his eyes were red for more than one reason, Darcy almost reached out to give his hand an affectionate squeeze, but Loki had given her such a clear warning and even Thor was avoiding direct contact. Probably for a good reason.

Sam and Tony both landed just inside the broken window, "Alright Pointbreak, Reindeer Games, break up the family chat, time for some specifics. Like why we had hired guns that were able to get to this tower and how they knew you guys were turned into kids."

"Dude, are you okay? You're straight blue, that can't be healthy," Sam quickly walked over to where they were standing, makeshift medpack (fanny pack full of medical supplies) already open in order to better help however he could. 

"I am of Jotunheim, the realm of the frost giants. This is the way I would always look were it not for Odin Allfather. I do not require any medical treatment, simply rest and food," Loki leveled his gaze at the pararescue, red eyes glinting with danger. He might not be able to use his magic, but Darcy knew he was formidable in hand to hand combat as well.

"Hey, everyone calm down, right now we need to get a cleanup crew and a new location. Stark, where else can we go?"

"Ms. Lewis, I have already summoned a cleaning crew and have the training room set up with seating and beds."

"Aw, Jarvis, such a thinker you are. There we go, time to move out people. Loki, you better get those shoes on that I got for you, there's a ton of glass. Bucky, you got Steve and Nat, probably Clint too, Thor, you need to watch where you step. I'm serious, I'm not holding your hand if you need stitches ever again. Nick, Bruce, I need you to follow Bucky and Sam to the elevator. We're movin' out!" Darcy grinned at the haphazard team, then looked at Tony.

He was grinning ear to ear and waved a command so that the suit would disassemble as he walked towards her, "Well who would've guessed that little Ms. Darcy Lewis from nowhere New York had such a commanding streak?"

"Oh don't be fooled tin man, I wasn't kidding when I said I'm close to a meltdown. Just cause I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy. Just means I'm smiling."

"Yeah yeah, preaching and choirs and all that. Listen, champ, I wanted to say I'm proud of you. It's hard pulling the trigger but once you do it just gets easier yknow. I never want you to have to pull that trigger okay?" Tony clapped her on the shoulder and winked, "You're the good that keeps on giving, Darce, meet you up at the training room."

"Yeah, meet you there," Darcy murmured, mindlessly pulling her hair back into a bun, staring at the two large bloodstains that had previously belonged to two large and terrible men. She didn't take notice of everyone making their way to the elevator, or of Loki coming to stand beside her until she realized just how quiet the room had become.

Loki gently put his hand on her shoulder, "I am sorry that you were subject to such brutality."

"It's not like men don't try that shit every day, I'm sorry you wore yourself out in order to keep it from happening," Darcy turned and smiled a crooked little smile, she took the moment to look a bit closer at the raised markings on Loki's face.

His eyebrows furrowed towards each other, "I was speaking of my own madness in that moment. I was apologizing for barbaric actions on my part. I have found that most women-when they can stand my presence-do not respond positively to a man that loses himself to rage."

"Loki, you protected me from men that would have done awful things to me, you protected my friends from those same monsters. So what if you lost your temper? So what if you kinda sorta technically became unhinged? You. Saved. Me. That's not just something that I'm gonna gloss over and forget," Darcy lifted her fingers to Loki's face, gently skimming her fingertips over the raised markings on his cheek.

"Don't!" He cried out, pulling his face away from her touch. He grabbed her sleeve, pulling her hand towards his face, an intense fear pinching at his features, "You are not injured?"

"I don't think so, but you're the one looking so... how's it look?" Darcy dipped her head in an attempt to make eye contact with the Jotun before her.

"There isn't a single scrap of frostbite on your skin. How is this possible?" He cautiously pressed one fingertip against her palm, it felt like someone was pressing an ice cube against her skin but it wasn't painful.

"You did hear that whole 'could wave to Canada from my front porch' part right? Snow used to fall until it was at least four feet deep and that was normal for the winter time. Call me Elsa cause the cold never bothered me," Darcy grinned as the Disney reference confused him.

"You are quite an interesting creature, Ms. Lewis," Loki whispered, crimson eyes not leaving hers.

"Yeah well," Darcy shrugged, "I guess it comes with the territory, after all, gotta be some modern marvel in order to get on Stark's radar."

Loki's exhaled laughter pushed an errant curl from her face, Darcy flushed at the realization that Loki was just inches away from her. She could feel the chill radiating off of his skin, "We should, y'know, catch the elevator, just in case your brother starts thinking that you kidnapped me to offset your good deeds."

He laughed in earnest this time, "Yes, indeed, it would be like Thor to worry about my motives. After you, elskaðir."

"Y'know, Russian I follow, I stumble through French and Italian but I make do, I still can't really remember Spanish but whatever that was went right over my head so I'm hoping it wasn't an insult!" Darcy shook her head and made her way through the shattered glass of the window.

"Icelandic. And it was not, I have very little reason to insult you, Darcy, believe that."

"Hmm. I'm inclined to do just that, Loki. Sorry for tasing you earlier today, but it was to even the score," She half smiled, looking up at Loki as they entered the elevator car, then grinned and put her hand over his as they went down to one of the training rooms.

"What are you doing?"

"Holding your hand dumbass, what's it look like I'm doing? Making cookies?"

"I'm not certain how I'm supposed to respond to that."

Darcy just smiled, squeezing his hand before letting go as the doors opened to the training room, Thor rushed towards them, clapping a heavy hand on their shoulders, "You are worthy friends to everyone here, Tony has told me of how you corralled us as children and I must say, Darcy, you have earned honors from Asgard. Loki, you too have earned honors from Allfather,"

"Thanks, Thor, can we talk about it later though? We gotta work out a way to get everyone back to normal as fast as possible without wearing Loki out every time."

"Oh, yes. I have a solution! Come, everyone must be close!"

Darcy looked over at Bucky still holding Steve, who was somehow still asleep, and the blonde was clinging to the fabric of Bucky's shirt, "I guess he knows who you are for sure."

"Yeah, can't get the punk to let me go, not that I'm complaining. He's just as cute as I remember him being when we were kids," Bucky's eyes crinkled as he smiled down at Steve.

"Aww, quit, I have a dentist appointment next Thursday, I don't need any cavities before then."

"Sh, everyone, come close," Thor quickly made a head count to make sure Nat and Clint were still with them, "Alright, Heimdall!"

In an instant, an enormous column of rainbows surrounded them, Darcy knew that Bruce was probably panicking but she couldn't bear to try and find him while being rocketed around space. Instead, she clung to Loki, closing her eyes and hiding her face in his jacket.

"It's alright elskaðir, it's just the Bifrost, it's a bridge formed of light that connects the realms to each other, we'll be in Asgard shortly," Loki whispered into her ear as he wrapped his arms around her, Darcy was almost certain that she could feel cold lips pressed against her temple but the Bifrost opened up into a golden dome, depositing them in front of an incredibly tall man with dark skin and gold armour that matched the color of his eyes.

"Heimdall, please call my father and ask him to allow us an audience," Thor stepped forward, inclining his head slightly out of respect.

"He is already waiting for you with Lady Frigga, she is anxious to help you all in your quest to resolve this.. situation," Heimdall bowed his head, gesturing with one arm to the various horses that were waiting at the bridge to the city of Asgard.

"Thank you Heimdall," Thor grinned and began ushering the group towards the horses.

Loki slowly let go of Darcy, "I believe that some of the others could use your help right now. Can you ride?"

"Let's just say yes but it's been a while, I can ride so long as I don't have to go fast," Darcy looked around for Bruce and saw Natasha holding his hand and Clint's, "Natasha, c'mere,"

The redheaded Russian tugged the two boys over to Darcy and Loki, "Da, Darcy?"

"First, can you switch to mostly English? I know enough to yell at Bucky and that's about it. Second, can you ride with Loki and I'll take Bruce? I'm not sure who can and can't ride, but I don't want anyone that's still little going by themselves."

Natasha looked over at Tony who was already up in the saddle, trying to convince Fury to jump up before Thor came over to put the Director in Tony's lap, "I will go with Loki. Clint will ride with Wilson. Bucky cannot ride and Steve will need Thor to hold him as we ride. Loki is the only one here more skilled than Thor, however with his current condition he would not be able to carry Steve."

"So how is Bucky going to ride?"

"I dunno but I hope he falls on his ass," Sam muttered as he hopped up into the saddle of a young mare who pawed at the ground 

"I'm getting the old mare that doesn't give a shit, that's how," Bucky laughed as Thor and Heimdall had to boost him into the saddle, "Christ this is terrifying."

"Well then, I guess it's an off we go situation now?"

"Agreed, Darcy, Avengers! Advance!" Thor cheerily raised Mjolnir and lead the group into the city proper.

***

Odin was an imposing figure. He was genuinely ancient. He had probably seen Rome built and the Pyramids, it was terrifying to think about. But Frigga. Frigga was the one that truly scared her, this woman was simply glowing with power, it shone in her eyes and glittered through her hair. Her magic spilled out of her and coiled around her fingers, ready to strike out when the situation changed. Frigga held the same half smile as Loki,  _Well, that figures, I'm meeting Loki's mother today and I didn't even bother with anything but mascara. Great._ Darcy pulled in a deep breath and looked at Bruce who was still holding onto her hand with the grip of a grown man. 

 _I assure you, she is much less intimidating once you_   _get accustomed to her power. Frigga is greatly pleased to meet you all._

Darcy flinched and shot a wide-eyed look over at Loki, blue lips curled into a mischevious smirk and red eyes shining,  _How the **fuck** are you in my head?_

_Shh elskaðir, I will answer you later, for now, just enjoy it. Besides, you project so much, my mother and I can easily hear you. Right mother?_

Darcy looked towards the Queen who's smirk was even more pronounced, she delicately lifted a hand to her lips,  _Yes, my son, I can hear you. Now you hush and listen. Stop tormenting your beloved._

Loki's cheeks flushed a deep indigo and he refused to look at Darcy who was struggling to not shout 'your beloved??' in the throne room of Asgard.

Thor was already speaking to his father, begging for his assistance to speed the process and so that Loki did not have to expend his energy any more than he had.

"Loki, come forward. I would have words with you," Odin leaned towards the group, his bright eye fixed on Loki's transformed figure, "I see that you have expended yourself. How was this done? Are you no longer the Master we had thought you to be?"

"Father, I have just told you what I saw Loki accomplish," Thor stepped forward with Loki, small sparks gathering around his fingertips as his anger grew.

"I wish to hear from the Silvertongue himself what he did and his reasons behind it, that is my right as King. Or would you like to challenge me, my son?" Odin raised an eyebrow at Thor, unblinking.

Loki placed a hand on Thor's shoulder briefly, "I will tell my side of this story, hopefully, it will get us closer to a resolution. What would you wish me to tell you Allfather?"

 "I wish to know why you have been so drained of your gift. I know of no Midgardian threat to your power," Odin settled back into his throne and nodded to Loki, giving him permission to begin his account.

"One of the mortals, the sleeping one there," he gestured towards Bucky and Steve, "had become ill and I found it necessary to clean myself. This Midgardian woman who had been in charge of those transformed had shown me to the showers, then left in order to bring me new clothes which is what I am currently wearing obviously," Loki breathed in a steadying breath, closing his eyes then opening them again.

"Once she had left me with the clothes and I began to get dressed I heard bullets being fired, I had assumed it was simply a video game that one of the Midgardians was playing on their television. Therefore I didn't see the point in dressing quickly in order to find out what the sound was. I finished dressing and walked out to see two mortals attempting to assault Darcy here," Loki turned to direct Odin's gaze to Darcy. "You see, Allfather, this woman treats all as equals in her eyes. She did taze me upon meeting but it was out of fairness, as I have indirectly caused her grief. She is quite interesting, but I will refrain from spouting her virtues as I know you care little of Midgard at present."

"To be completely transparent I lost my temper. I am a Prince of two realms, it has been instilled in me to respect the boundaries of others, and to see two such men as were before me attempt to violate one so kind as Darcy.. I did not intend to use as much as I had. However, I refuse to regret my actions. They have done no permanent damage to me. After I dispatched the two attackers, Darcy returned me to cover as we were still exposed to gunfire. Then asked if there was any way I could return Thor and the soldier James Barnes to their correct form. Which I was clearly able to do, but at a small cost," Loki smirked and bowed his head, "Is there any further information I need provide?"

"No, my son, your words ring true, I would ask that this Darcy step forward and you step back. I would question her now."

Darcy could feel the blood leave her face, she had to give an account too? Why? She looked at the princes and saw that they too were confused. Darcy raised her chin and straightened her posture, stepping forward to stand next to Loki before giving an awkward curtsy. "Your Highness, how may I add to this?"

"My wife, Frigga, will bring forward your memories, with your consent, so that we may give appropriate praise where due. Will you allow this?" Odin clasped his hands together as Darcy took a moment to think it over.

"Will it hurt?"

"No, my child. Frigga has a few thousand years of experience with this gift, she will not cause you harm."

Darcy looked over at the queen. Frigga was giving her a soft smile and shook her head no, "I will cause no harm to someone who has cared for my eldest son, and earned the protection of my youngest, you have my word, child."

"Okay, then yes, I consent to this examination. Loki saved my butt from some grade A creeps and I have no qualms about reliving that so long as that is recorded for him," Darcy had a feeling that Tony would give her some crap for getting involved with a homicidal god but hey, he had some pretty spectacular exes in his past as well.

"Close your eyes dear and try to relax. Loki, stand near if she begins to feel anxious, I feel that this is going to be a trying sensation for her," Frigga's voice was melodic and soothing and Darcy found it quite easy to close her eyes. In much the same way as when Loki had killed the two men that had attempted to assault her, Darcy could see the bright glow of Frigga's golden magic. Darcy gasped, she could see her memories being projected into the air before her. Frigga had begun when she had received the phone call from Tony and Pepper's text. It felt so bizarre to have everyone see and hear what she had seen. Her voice came through the memories, her interactions with Tony and the team, Thor laughed when he watched her yell at him to get down off of the table.

Her phone call with Jane received a similar reaction when everyone heard her say "Please by your boyfriend's spectacular ass"

"Hm, it is rather spectacular, Pointbreak, why haven't we noticed your spectacular posterior before this moment?" Tony's grin was practically palpable.

"It's the cape, Tony. Keeps everything hidden," Sam chimed in as Thor laughed. Darcy could've sworn that she heard a small chuckle come from Odin's direction.

They were mostly silent as her memories played out before them, the occasional chuckle or groan whenever someone did something sort of embarrassing. When her memory of Loki after he had come out of the shower came forward Sam and Bucky both let out an appreciative whistle while Darcy blushed, nothing like having the mother of the guy you've checked out see how long you stared at his hipbones.

Her blush quickly faded as she recalled exactly why she was allowing this to happen, _"L_ _oki,"_ she whispered, and she could feel his chill next to her immediately,

 _"Darcy, you're alright, the memory will not change, this is uncolored with your emotions, just what you saw and what you heard,"_ he rubbed a frigid hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her.

 ** _"Thanks, be careful you two."_** Her voice echoed through the throne room and Darcy shuddered, eyes still closed but she turned to Loki and hid her face in his jacket.

Darcy could still feel their fingers in her hair, the way they grabbed her wrists and moved her as if she weighed nothing. Loki wrapped his cold arms around her and whispered unintelligible nothings into her ear to distract her from her memories playing before her. Bucky cussed loudly and his metal arm could be heard recalibrating behind them. She kept her face buried in Loki's chest, squeezing him tighter than was probably comfortable, as he skewered the two assailants, twisting the daggers deeper into their hearts, inflicting as much pain as he possibly could before they died shortly after.

Frigga pulled away shortly after Loki spent the last little scrap of his energy on transforming Thor and Bucky to their usual age and size. Darcy refused to open her eyes, the world felt too big and too close. All she wanted was to run and hide from everything, Loki bent down to whisper in her ear,  _"Darcy, look up, my mother has decided to change the others now."_

 

Darcy looked out over Loki's arm just as Frigga began to cast her magic out, covering the team with gossamer gold magic. It slid away from Tony, Sam, and Bucky, but clung to the others. Darcy smiled as Steve transformed back to his normal self, still in Bucky's arms, but being carried bridal style. Bruce sighed and shook out his arms, "Thank god," he muttered to no one in particular. Fury and Natasha just stood as they had, assessing their surroundings and preparing for any attacks. Clint whooped and clapped Sam on the back, "Oh man did I hate being that short," "Bro, you aren't much taller than you were," "Hey, that's rude, I resent that."

She let go of Loki and quickly walked over to her friends, wishing to see everyone up close just to be sure this was all real. Steve finally got out of Bucky's grip and hugged her, "Hey Darcy, thank you,"

"No problem, it's what I do now I think," she gave one of her winning smiles to the super soldier as he let go.

"Uh, I also wanted to say sorry for calling you mom, I think I had a real high fever and you sounded like a mother so, I kind of, slipped up. That was probably uncomfortable for you and I wanted to apologize," Steve rubbed the back of his neck, a flush creeping over his face.

"Yeah, cause being called mom was more awkward than having to help everyone get dressed and shower you off twice," Darcy chuckled and patted Steve's cheek, walking over to Natasha as Steve turned bright red with embarrassment.

"Now, Frigga, have you finished playing with the mortals? I believe our son could use some of your assistance," Odin lamely hid his smile and gestured towards Loki.

"Ah, yes, my son, would you prefer the healing table or a modicum of my own magic?" Frigga smiled down at Loki, golden threads of magic still winding around her fingers as she settled back into her throne.

"Mother, I would not have you drained for my sake. I will go to the healing table," Loki bowed to Frigga and again to Odin.

"Now that everything has settled, Thor, please return the mortals to their rightful realm," Odin nodded and stood to leave.

Darcy looked over at Loki and felt that he would be staying on Asgard, he met her gaze and winked,  _No worries Darcy, I'll be back shortly after you. I believe we have some unfinished business to attend to._

He winked and cold hands slid around her waist, tracing up her sides and down her hips causing her to shiver and gasp.  _Guess I have something to look forward to then. I'm holding you to tonight, Loki, you better not be messing with me._

The team was being escorted back out to the city, they were almost to the doors when Loki called out after her, walking quickly towards her, "Darcy, here is proof of my sincerity,"

"Okay, whatcha got?" she expected a note or some sort of physical token.

Loki placed his hands on her face, tipping her head up towards his, "I have this and much more my dear," he murmured before pressing his lips to hers.

Darcy sighed and lifted a middle finger towards Tony who was already whistling and clapping, her other hand settling on the waistband of Loki's jeans, "Yeah, you better follow up on that one, don't be late."

Loki smirked, red eyes hungrily looking her over, "I intend to be back quite soon, but be patient my dear, good things come to those who wait."

"Alright, C'mon, don't get Reindeer Games horny Darce, I wanna get home before I call my therapist," Tony walked out of the doors, not bothering to check whether or not anyone was following him. Darcy shook her head and pulled Loki down by his shirt collar, pressing her lips to his in a quicker, deeper kiss, "Y'know, just to tide me over til you come back."

Loki chuckled darkly and nudged her towards the door, "Go home Darcy, have a safe trip."

***

"Wait, so you're actually into the guy?" Bruce asked as they walked into the Bifrost's dome.

"Yep! He's cute, he's actually trying to be a decent person, and I dunno, something about him just appeals to me,"

"Darcy, you're a brilliant person but I think you might have lost it today."

"Nah, I'm always like this Dr. Banner, you know that it makes sense," Darcy smiled and grabbed her friend's hand as Heimdall turned his sword to allow them access.

"All I know is, that motherfucker better know what he's getting into if he thinks he can get away with doing anything to Darcy," Nick Fury folded his arms as everyone muttered similar statements.

"Thanks, guys, but for now, let's just get home, I'm starving."

 


End file.
